As another birthday looms I am set in a panic. After 21 birthdays start becoming more about what you'reaccomplishing and where you're heading in life. I am proud of a lot I have done, but I believe I could've done more this past year... but then again I feel like I would think this regardless of where I was...unless I became a CEO or something. After the panic of what I haven't done settles down a little, my mind goes to the next dread, which is what I should do for upcoming year. I have felt at a standstill this year because I know what I want to do but I have been settling. I can rationalize all I want, but I know that's what I'm doing.
I've always done what's best for others around me because I'm the eldest and that's how I was raised. Life was hard before, so I am used to sacrifice. However, now I am in a position where I have more options and taking a leap seems dangerous. Time is moving and I feel like I'm standing still just waiting for something to happen on its own. So this year my goal is to take the leap and figure out a way to do what I love. So those are my birthday thoughts. Now let me drown in cake and read away my fears.